so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
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