Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
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