Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
