whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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