Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
