I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
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