Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
