I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize