So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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