He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
