im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
