You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
