lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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