thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
