I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
