your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
birth control should be required to get into college
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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