I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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