I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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