I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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