You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
