My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
