He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
worst night to have a conscience
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
