I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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