Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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