Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
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All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
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Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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