It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
