i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
