Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
