Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
