Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
