Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I intend to get homeless drunk
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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