I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
