So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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