oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
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