I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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