My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
