I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
