Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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