Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
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i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
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Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
My feet surprised me
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