I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize
