I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
