i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
