i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize