i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
