Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
