If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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