Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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