so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
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