Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
splinters make it hard to masturbate
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize