if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
