I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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