Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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