Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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