I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
