I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
