Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
