Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
